I've spent the past two weeks feeling down. I wouldn't say depressed (although that's the reason I keep giving my friends as an excuse after I snap at them, 'Sorry, I'm depressed, so forgive me please and thank you.') as depression is serious, and I don't believe I've had a bout of it yet, even though at times, when I'm two tubs of Ben and Jerry's deep, it sure as hell feels like it.
I realised this morning, and after spending last night cuddled up next to my flat mate while on the verge of tears, that the reason I've been feeling so down, is that I'm homesick. And now, it seems so obvious. My eldest sister has just given birth to the cutest little boy, who I'm yet to see, I've not seen my parents since Christmas, and sometimes, just sometimes, I even miss being a dependent, and having my family provide for me. Because, well, being an adult can fucking suck, and having to provide for yourself, in an oversized and overcrowded city like London, can be incredibly daunting. I've also realised that feeling like this is completely okay, and completely normal.
Depression, and especially the feeling of being incredibly homesick, is very common in students who move away from home for University, even more so in students who attend city Universities that don't really have a campus feel to them. Some days I feel like an overgrown child playing grown up in a place I'm just not ready for yet, but then I have days (and these days far outnumber the former) that I love being here. I love being in the capital. I love the access I have to everything that I could possibly want, and I just need to remember that to get through the periods of feeling down. Being homesick is perfectly fine, but don't let it ruin your experience at University, and especially don't let it intrude on your studies, like I did this morning, when I chose curling up in a ball and sleeping instead of attending a lecture.
There'll be days when you just want to stay indoors, where no one can irritate you, and upset you further, and just eat and sleep. My advice? Do it. But afterwards? Get up, get dressed, make yourself look good, so you feel good, and tackle the outside world. I keep thinking to myself that I made the decision to go to University, I made the decision to move to the capital, and I want to be here. Remind yourself why you're doing what you're doing, and if you have to, go home for a few days, but if you're like me, and you can't afford to, there's always FaceTime. It's not the best, but it sure helps.
Just know that feeling homesick is a part of moving away from home for University, but there are plenty of pro's that outweigh this con, and London is worth it. University is worth it.
And remember, it's okay to be homesick, really.
